My sheets look like a crime scene.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
