Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
