My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
