apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Randomize
