The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
