If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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