When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We had sex on a dog bed..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
