She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
