So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The beer is more important than you right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize