I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
