Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
