apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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