she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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