I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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