we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
