In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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