You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
