I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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