Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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