youre lurking in front of me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
