You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
