It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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