i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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