quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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