I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
