That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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