I think my vagina is haunted
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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