6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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