I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
