i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
