so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
