I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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