Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
God, I missed his penis.
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