I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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