Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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