the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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