margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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