So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
