What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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