Everything about him screamed your future.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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