What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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