he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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