But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
