What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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