Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
