I feel like abortions should bother me more
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
