after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your penis caused this!
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