WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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