I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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