We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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