hotel room ftw
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
