the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
