Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
