i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
