; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
