Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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