I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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